So, I was hopping around on dA today and I came across a ton of truly beautiful art. Naturally it made me feel inferior in every possible way. My art is a joke, it really is. It NEVER comes out the way it looked in my head, and by then I'm too tired/lazy/sick of looking at it to care. But then a few days, weeks or months down the line I'll look back and cringe. Why didn't I fix that very obvious flaw? Why is her face so ugly? What the hell is wrong with it and why can't I fix it?!

I figure I'm just a very mediocre artist. I'm also a very mediocre human, excepting my emotions which are weird, misplaced and muted. However, I can still program a bot better than 85% of the fools on RunABot, so I guess that's what'll be engraved on my headstone. "Made Hilariously Evil Bots; Sucked At Life". I'm kidding, I'll be cremated so no headstone is necessary. (Psst, yet again another plea: Talk to GothBot22 on AIM. He's not really goth in the way you expect, and if you don't block him feeling insulted then it's probably time for me to start upgrading him. Enjoy!)

I haven't come upon any new, interesting art forms. I thought about doing some non-pornographic vexels and uploading them, but they still feel like repetitive and childish tracing, a.k.a. not really art. And vexeling is a slow pain in my lower back. I tried dicking around in Apophysis again and, as always, crashed the laptop a few times before giving up. I was aiming for another skull but it just didn't work out. Might help if I had half a clue what I was doing, but shooting in the dark is really all the fun.

I miss painting, but I was always awful at that. Sculpting too, though I do have a lot of weird, surreal ceramic monsters which have lost some limbs over the years but are still recognizable as being unrecognizable. And a few lumpy mugs. I don't know why my art teachers always made us make mugs and bowls. Who uses these things? They're so ugly.

Anyway, I'm laid off and the Xbox 360 Premium I won for roughly $146 (after my fabulously well-timed 10% coupon was applied!) along with however the hell many games I bought have not arrived yet. So expect to see my old, awful art updated...um, again. For the umpteenth time. Recently colored-with-this-spiffy-Wacom junk will now be re-colored and/or re-drawn and then re-colored. Because it's horrible and I'm ashamed of it. Roughly ten times every year, I log into dA and stare at my art and decide to delete my account. But then I pause and think. It's not like I'm trying to make money off this crap, it's just something I imagined and tried (and obviously failed) to replicate via whatever medium I was toying with at the time.

And maybe it's all well and good to have a constant reminder that I suck.

Helps me narrow down fun stuff to do that I would excel at. Right now, that's just bargain shopping online (video games: Amazon; electronics and double-checking prices of said video games: eBay; be amazed!!!), bot programming, finding awesome hallucinogens to try (at the best prices, of course), and um...what else am I good at? Oh yeah, there's always my wicked crazy 106 WPM. Top THAT, suckas!

I'm off to stare at more superior art.